A Good Morning

by tabithapang

I slept in and slept off the 18 miles I ran yesterday. I’m really glad I ran yesterday. I’m glad I didn’t sleep in and give in to my laziness.

A few days into the new year I told myself that this is the year to say goodbye to things that I think I need to do. I planned on saying no more often instead of saying yes. Lean back, instead of lean in. What, I asked myself, is the point of wearing myself so thin? Why do I need to run yet another marathon when I’ve already completed eight?

Friday night, as the Anaheim ducks kicked ass, I mulled this over with Joe. Should I run tomorrow? Should I run the marathon? What do I do? He listened, asked me great clarifying questions and then when asked all the same above questions again he offered me no clear answer. I think he shrugged.  Such an appropriate response yet so frustrating!

So I set the alarm at 5:30 am and decided to decide in the morning. Since being diagnosed as pre-diabetic, I’ve said a temporary goodbye to my favorite sources of sugar. They deserve attention:

Jasmine Rice
Chocolate Croissants
Bucatini Pasta
Banana Bread

And so I didn’t carb load that night, it was a full day of just protein and vegetables. I didn’t even have beer at the game. Clean and clear of sugar. At midnight. Still undecided. I eat an orange. I try my best to chew my apple quietly as Joe slept and silently shrugged.

I woke up the same way I had fallen asleep, still undecided. I googled SRLA. I scrolled through images tagged #unitela. I woke Joe up. What should I do? He said,  “It’s game time baby.” Is that what he said? Then Nicole texted, followed by Shanika. Two of my favorite women. SRLA coaches are all, heroic. I was once a coach. And in that moment, as Joe suggested that I go and be physically there even if I didn’t run, the physical desire to stay warm in bed dissipated. The natural thing to do then, was to get dressed in the dark, like I’ve done hundreds of times before, and say yes. Saying no is touted as a brave thing to do, but saying yes can often be so gratifying:

Yes, I’ll be there!
Yes, I will.
Yes I do.

There’s a fine line between saying no and simply being – a lazy ass. Listening to your inner voice is a tricky thing. Trusting your gut is unreliable. It’s too much a matter of interpretation. A thousand different dialects disguised as one voice.

Yes, is a beautiful answer. I believe you can have spectacular moments without effort, it happens all the time. And yet. I was so certain that not running would be the best decision, but it wasn’t. No amount of reasoning would’ve made not running, the better choice. By mile 15, tired as I was, I was so glad to be there. So glad that I had picked the longer, more difficult road. 2016 will require me to say no to lots of things, but I’m hopeful that there will also be many incredible moments to say yes to.

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